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Questions
You might be an engineer if:
Why engineers do not write recipe books

Questions
Q: When does a person decide to become an engineer?
A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to be an undertaker.

Q: What do engineers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: How can you tell an extroverted engineer?
A: When he talks to you, he looks at your shoes instead of his own.

Q: Why did the engineers cross the road?
A: Because they looked in the file, and that's what they did last year.

Q: How do you drive an engineer completely insane?
A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him, and fold up a road map the wrong way.

You might be an engineer if:
→ Choosing between buying flowers for your wife and upgrading your RAM is a problem.
→ You take a cruise so you can go on a personal tour of the engine room.
→ In college, you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure.
→The salespeople at the local computer store can't answer any of your questions.
→At an air show, you know how fast the skydivers are falling.
→For your wife's birthday you gave her a new CD-ROM drive or a Palm Pilot.
→You can quote scenes from any Monte Python movie.
→You can type 70 words per minute but you can't read your own handwriting.
→You comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.
→You sit backwards on Disney rides so you can see how they do the special effects.
→You have saved every power cord from all your broken appliances.
→You have more friends on the Internet than in real life.
→You know what http:// stands for.
→You look forward to Christmas so you can put together the kids toys.
→You see a good design, and have to change it.
→You spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring.
→You still own a slide rule and know how to use it.
→You think that people yawning around you are sleep deprived.
→You window shop at Radio Shack.
→Your laptop computer cost more than your car.
→Your wife hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work.
→You've already calculated how much you make per second.
→You've tried to repair a $5 radio.
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Why engineers do not write recipe books

Chocolate Chip Cookies:
Ingredients:
1.     532.35 cm3 gluten
2.     4.9 cm3 NaHCO3
3.     4.9 cm3 refined halite
4.     236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
5.     177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
6.     177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11
7.     4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
8.     Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein
9.     473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao
10.   236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)

To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation.

In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogeneous.

To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogeneous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the
reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction.

Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm).

Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston's first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown.

Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium.

Editors' Note: Cookie sheet thickness is unspecified.
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